


Mother Mine, Mother Dear

by SailorPeach



Category: Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Comfort/Angst, Good Dad Howard Stark, I wrote this to get some feels out, Song fic, crack fic but not really?, heavily heavily influenced by the lovely album Honeymoon, i don't know anything and a lot of this is made up so, if Tony Stark is gonna have a shitty adult life than by god I'm gonna give him a good childhood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-10-01 12:18:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10189745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorPeach/pseuds/SailorPeach
Summary: The Avengers are back in America, but have to supervised by Tony and his team as part of an agreement. It starts off rocky and Tony is at a lost of what to do. The only one who seems to be making an effort is Bucky, for which Tony is grateful for. Everything is thrown off when a portal opens and Maria Stark comes through. Tensions are high with Maria around, but Tony doesn't care. He gets to hug his mom again.





	1. Terrence Loves You

**Author's Note:**

> What Up!! I want to start off with saying I wrote this story to get some feels out. I don't know anything about Maria Stark so I made most of everything up. This fic came about while listening to the album Honeymoon by Lana Del Rey while under the influence of some good green grass. So if it seems a little weird, that's why. This is mostly a fic so Tony can have a happy childhood because that's all I want for him, honestly. 
> 
> If you have a problem with song fics and lyrics within the story I would suggest turning back now. I wrote this for my own pleasure and will be working on it for a while. I'm a little busy at the moment with school and writing my other fic.

Tony sat in the music room in what use to be the Avengers Tower. It was more empty now a days, with most of the Avengers in Wakanda. Tony told himself that he didn’t mind, that he liked the quiet air, it was less stressful. Tony’s fingers moved smoothly over the black and white keys of the grand piano, like a soft wave smoothing out the sand on calm night. He played one of his mother’s favorite songs. Even with his eyes closed, Tony hit all the keys perfectly. He knew them all by heart, it’s all he did after his parents died. He spent days playing his mother’s piano, her music sheets surrounding him. He remembered Rhodey and Pepper begging Tony to come, to eat, to shower. On good days Tony had a meal, but most of the time he kept his eyes closed and played as if his mother was singing in the same room.

Like they use to, like how Tony wishes they still could.

Tony smiled at the memories. It always made Tony mad that people wrote off Maria as _‘Howard Stark’s Trophy Wife’_. Maria was a genius in her own right. She could solve math equations faster than anyone she had ever come across before Howard, but her genius mostly lied in music. She was playing piano and flute like an adult by the time she was 7 and had several master degrees. One in math and the rest in all type of music fields, but what Tony remembered the most was her voice. It’s what Tony remembered most vividly about his childhood, Maria was always singing. She sang as she rocked Tony in her arms, as she cooked along Jarvis, planning whatever next event the Stark’s were hosting.

Howard would always find Tony and Maria in the sun room of the mansion. Tony remembered the light colored tiles of that room, always warm. The walls a soft off white color with paintings of landscapes on the walls. The white and gold expensive seating. The dark wooden table that was in the middle of the room, on top of an expensive rug Howard had gotten in India. The patio doors with soft white curtains, you could see the huge green back yard, the garden and pool. It was Maria's favorite room.  In the summer, Maria would have the patio doors open, to let the breeze and sun in. Tony’s head in her lap, falling asleep as she ran her fingers through Tony’s hair, singing. She would always run her songs by Tony, saying he had a knack for music as much as he had a knack for engineering. Howard more often than not would sit on the love couch adjacent to the couch Maria and Tony would sit, close his eyes and just listen. Often remembering when he first met Maria, in that smoke filled club in uptown New York. In that silver dress and pair of diamond earrings, singing about broken hearts and hopeful futures.

Tony would ,without a fail, request the same songs as a kid; and as he got older he would play them on the piano in that sun room. As Maria sang, closing her eyes and getting lost in the music, and Tony would always follow her.

Tony stopped his fingers as his throat closed a little, remembering his parents was always hard. Remembering his favorite memories in that sun room were always the hardest. Tony looked at his expensive gold watch, 5:30. Tony stood, pushing the piano bench out, making a loud noise. The Avengers were coming to America today. Tony straightened his suit and walked out of the room, locking it before heading to the common area. It wasn’t there old on common floor, it was a previously unused one, neutral ground. Rhodey and Vision were already there, looking more casual than Tony. Rhodey was standing, but with his exoskeleton leg braces. They had finally gotten Rhodey out of the wheelchair and walking on his own with the braces. It was progress, the only thing that seemed to be going well.

“Ready, Tones?” Rhodey asked he spotted Tony. Tony shrugged, making a _‘meh’_ sound.

“They signed the accords, it’s all I asked for. I don’t know why they have to stay here.” Tony said, not angry, more annoyed. Rhodey let out a laugh.

“You know why.” Rhodey said.

Tony mumbled. Part of letting the Avengers back was a probation period for them, and Tony, Rhodey and Vision were basically their babysitters. It was only for six months. Tony only hoped they would behave for those six months and they could go their separate ways. At least that’s what Tony believed the other team wanted. Tony wanted to salvage friendships, but Tony’s had his heart broken enough times.

The elevator opened, Tony first made eye contact with Steve. He was the head of the group in the elevator. Behind him was Bucky, Natasha, Sam, Wanda, and Clint. They all looked tired, and they didn’t have much with them. Each of them just had one duffel bag.

Scott was taken separately to location so he could see his daughter under the supervision of Tony’s trusted friend Hope van Dyne, who would be overseeing Scott’s six months. Steve stepped out, the rest following. Tony held his hand out, as an offering, Steve took it.

“I’m sure you’re glad to be back.” Tony said, not, _I’m glad you’re back_. That was too personal, Tony couldn’t do personal right now. It had only been six months since Siberia. Six months since he watched his mother be choked to death.

“It feels good to be back.” Steve said softly, letting go of Tony’s hand. The rest of the group greeted Rhodey and Vision, most stayed clear of Tony. Tony could tell this bothered Rhodey, his usual warm demeanor turned colder by the minute. Tony smiled internally, glad knowing he had at least one friend. Vision seemed to remain neutral. Tony noticed Bucky didn’t greet anybody, staying close to Natasha. Tony didn’t blame him. He also noticed Bucky only had one arm. _That_ was new.

“I’ll let you guys get settled. You know the rules, no getting into trouble.” Tony said, a half smile on his face. “We can go over house rules tomorrow.”

“We traded one prison for another.” Tony heard Wanda murmured to Clint. Steve threw her a disapproving look. Tony wasn’t surprised by the comment.

“You’re welcome to leave any time.” Rhodey said, not in an impolite way, just informative one. Wanda looked a little surprised at Rhodey. “Nobody is forcing you to stay.” Rhodey said, he was _challenging_ her. Wanda averted her eyes, she lost.

“She’s not-” Steve started, looking for an excuse for her.

“It’s fine, Steve. Come on Rhodey Bear. Pepper is probably waiting for us.” Tony said, trying to break the tension. Tony was lying, and judging by Rhodey’s face, Rhodey knew Tony was lying. But Rhodey followed Tony anyway to the elevator. FRIDAY taking them to Tony’s personal floor.

“If Rogers is going to treat Wanda like a kid, he needs to bench her from the team. There is no room for kids in our line of work. If he’s going to hold her to adult standards, he has to stop treating her like a kid, she has to learn she can’t do anything she wants. Actions have consequences.” Rhodey ranted. Tony chuckled.

“Preaching to the choir, Sourpatch.” Tony said, walking onto his floor, taking off his suit jacket and shoes. Rhodey followed him to the couch, letting Tony slump against his side. “Think they can behave for six months?”

“God can only hope.” Rhodey said, Tony chuckled.

***

Tony couldn’t sleep. Nightmares plagued him, which wasn’t anything new. They’ve plagued him since New York and they haven’t stopped. Tony didn’t fancy lying in his sweat, looking at his ceiling until sunrise. Tony swung his legs over his bed, grabbed the small gold key that layed on his dresser and made his way to the music room. He knew his way to the music room by heart, even in the dark halls of the tower. He unlocked it, the lights coming on as he opened the door. Tony didn’t shut it fully because, well, he never really had to before. He didn’t mind if Rhodey or Pepper came in and listened to him play. And on very rare occasions, sing.

Tony lifted the cover of the keys and ran his fingers lightly over over the keys before sitting on the bench. The piano was in the corner of the room, to the wall furthest from the door and next to the floor-to-ceiling window. There wasn’t much else in the room beside the piano, a cushy black couch opposite to the piano and a coffee table. On the table were old music sheets with Maria’s handwriting, and the couch had an old fleece blanket.

Tony played idly, not sticking to any one song. He just closed his eyes and followed the music, like he use to with his mom. He didn’t know how long he was playing until he found one he stuck with for a while. He remember this one being one of his mother’s favorite. He would often come running as kid when her heard his mom play the beginning notes on the piano.

_Tony’s head perked up. He was coloring on his father’s office floor, in front of his desk. Howard was working on blueprints at his desk but for a brief moment stopped his pencil when he heard the piano start. Tony was scrambling up from his spot, running down the hallway and hoping down the stairs. Going as fast as his little 6 year old legs would let him. He ran passed Jarvis, who was carrying a tray of snacks to his father’s office._

_You are what you are_

_I don't matter to anyone_

_But Hollywood legends_

_Will never grow old_

_And all of what's hidden_

_Well, it will never grow cold_

_The door to the sunroom was open, as it always was. His mother sat at the piano, in the corner. Her back was to the door, her fingers moving around the piano. Her head held up high as she sang. Tony made his way to the small space next to Maria, climbing up wanting to see his mom play. She smelled of candies made of honey, her brown hair was long and loose. She smiled as Tony leaned against her._

_But I lost myself when I lost you_

_But I still got jazz_

_When I've got those blues_

_And I lost myself when I lost you_

_And I still get trashed, darling_

_When I hear your tunes_

_Maria stopped playing, Tony didn’t notice until she picked him up by his sides. He had been drift off to his mom’s voice. She lifted him up to her lap and turned them both as she could stand and walk around the room, Tony cozy in her arms. Tony looked up brightly at his mom, as she sang to him._

_But you are who you are_

_I won't change you for anything_

_For when you are crazy_

_I'll let you be bad_

_I'll never dare change thee_

_To what you are not_

_Maria kissed his nose as she finished. Causing Tony to giggle. Maria laughed with him, walking out of the sun room._

_“Why’d you stop, Mama?” Tony asked with a pout. “You didn’t finish!” Tony said, crossing his arms. Maria let out a laugh at Tony’s pout, Tony let out an annoyed humph but made no attempt to move out of her arms. Her silk white shirt was comforting against his cheek._

_“Because, my little bambino, you’re father promised me a day at Coney Island. And I plan on collecting that promise.”_

_“You coulda still finished.” Tony said under his breath. Maria rolled her eyes with a wide smile and entered Howard’s office without knocking._

_“Your son is taking after you_ too _much, in my opinion.” Maria said, walking directly to Howard and kissed his cheek. Howard hummed with a smile, looking at Tony in her arms._

_“That’s not so bad, right, Tony?” Howard asked, taking Tony from Maria and putting him on his hip. Tony looked up at Howard and scrunched his nose up._

_“I think I have Mama’s nose more than anything.” Tony said, hoping that answered his questions. Both his parents laughed._

_“I was promised Coney Island, Howard, I’m here to collect on that promise.” Maria said, sitting back on the edge of Howard’s desk, her arms crossed._

_“The whole island? Might cut into the Christmas budget but I think I can mange.” Howard said, Maria threw her head back and let out a laugh. Tony sighed and rested his head against Howard’s shoulder. Tony had his parents Christmas presents picked out, but he didn’t know if he could buy them on a budget. He’ll ask Jarvis later what a budget was._

_“Can you manage a day away from work?” Maria teased. Getting up from the desk and slowly made her way to the door. “I expect you ready in 20, I’ll have Jarvis prepare snacks and give him the rest of the day off. Make sure to bring Tony’s sweater!” She said, leaving the room with the flip of her hair._

_“Your mother is one demanding woman, sport.” Howard murmured. Tony looked up at his dad, who looked down at Tony._

_“It’s why you love her so much.” Tony said in a matter-of-fact voice. Howard smiled and raised an eyebrow._

_“Says who?”_

_“Says Jarvis! And Mama! And Aunt Peggy, Aunt Angie, and you! You say it usually when Mama lectures you.”_

_“Really?” Howard huffed in amusement as he walked out of his office. He knew his son was right._

_“Yup!” Tony said, pointing a finger up as if he was teaching a class. “Mama will say, ‘Howard go to bed! Howard eat something!’ and you say ‘Maria, this is why I love you.” Howard let out a small laugh as he made way down the hall to his sons room. “Which, I think she’s right. Mama is always right.”_

_Tony finished explaining when Howard reached Tony’s room, looking for the Captain America themed sweater. Howard grabbed the sweater from the floor and kissed Tony on the cheek._

_“You take after mostly your mother, if you ask me.” Was all Howard said._

Tony opened his eyes, his fingers stopping. Tony wiped the unshed tears from his eyes. Tony closed the piano and made his way out of the room, locking it. Tony ended up doing this almost nightly. He would play the piano and about a month after the Avengers Tony started to sing. Tony didn’t sing often, because he didn’t think anybody could do justice to his mother’s songs. Not even himself, which he once told his mother. Maria proceeded to tell Tony that his voice _was lovely as the stars above and_ you _, my bambino, are the only one who can do them justice_.

***

Tony thought things were going great, as far as great could get. Wanda kept her distance, Clint at least spoke to him once and awhile. Bucky was the only one who was actively talking to Tony. Steve made an effort but Tony just couldn’t look at him without thinking of Siberia. Of the shield digging into his chest. It pained both of them. Natasha had apologized to Tony, Tony told her it wasn’t a problem. But Tony couldn't quite bring himself to trust her again and Natasha couldn’t bring herself to hold that against him.

Rhodey said that they were making slow progress, but it was progress nonetheless. Tony agreed, taking what he could at this point. Which is why he was eating lunch with Bucky, Steve, Rhodey, and Natasha. Mostly to discuss small matters dealing with the Avengers and Bucky’s arm.

“You don’t have to get an arm, but it is a possibility. You have options.” Tony said to Bucky, sliding his tablet across the table; showing Bucky the blueprints he had drawn up. They were sitting around Tony’s decent sized dining table, it was made of some expensive wood. Bucky opened his mouth but shut it when a burst of wind came through the kitchen. It was blowing so hard that papers and hair went flying, and everybody closed their eyes to protect them. When the wind died down, Tony heard Rhodey honest to God _gasp_.

Tony looked up, only a few feet away from the table was Maria Stark. She was young, her hair was long and curled. Like Tony remembered when he was little, she favored her hair down in the summer and up in the winter. She was wearing that peach dress Tony was so familiar with, he remember he loved resting his head against the collar of it when Maria would sway him to sleep. She didn’t have any shoes and looked just as shocked as the rest of them as she looked around in her new surroundings.

Tony immediately stood, his chair falling down behind him hard. Maria flinched at the sudden loud noise but looked Tony’s way. Nobody said anything, nobody moved. Maria slowly stood, her eyes never leaving Tony’s eyes. Tony could yell, he knew he had his mother’s eyes. But to see them staring back again- Tony could feel his eyes starting to water, his stomach turned. This had to be some sick joke, a nightmare.

“Ma’am?” Steve was the first one to speak, Maria paid no mind to him. She was still slowly making her toward Tony. Steve turned to see Bucky was white as a ghost, his hand shaking. “Buck?” Steve asked quietly. Bucky didn’t respond, they all watched as she approached closer, the natural sunlight coming from the windows made her seem warm and _unreal_.

“Tony maybe we should-” Rhodey asked but stopped when Maria let out a small laugh. Tony let out a small sob at the sound. This was his _mom_ , his _mother was back_. And she was laughing, if this was a dream Tony wanted to stay here just for a little longer.

“I knew that was you, my _bambino_.” Maria said quietly.

“ _Mama_ .” Tony said softly, his voice cracking. Tony only took a few steps toward Maria and collapsed against his mother, letting out a small sob. Everything just seem to hit Tony at once. Siberia, the video, Afghanistan, New York, Space, almost drowning in the ocean, the vision Wanda showed him, losing JARVIS, Obie, _all of it_ . Tony was so _tired_ and he didn’t realize _how_ tired until now. Now that he could safely fall apart in his mother's arm as if he was a child again.

 


	2. Salvatore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria has a look around at Tony's life and makes dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god i havent updated in like a year and probs wont for another year. Sorry about that really! this is a super rough draft that's been sitting in my documents and I thought, why not post it? so yeah, I hope you enjoy. See you in like 6 months 
> 
> Song used:
> 
> Salvatore by Lana Del Rey.

Bucky bolted out of the room as soon as he regained control over his body again and Steve followed closely on his heels. Rhodey and Natasha silently slipped out as Maria hummed to Tony and slowly lead Tony down so both her and Tony were on the floor. Tony sobbed into his mother’s stomach, and Maria simply ran her hands through his hair, letting him cry. Maria hummed for bit until Tony calmed a little. He was holding on to her dress tightly, and wouldn’t look up. Tony wasn’t embarrassed by his reaction, he was just afraid that if he looked up Maria would disappear. 

“I assume I am in the future.  _ Far  _ into the future.” Maria said, not stopping her hands. No one who knew Maria ever accused her of being dumb, or subtle. “And I assume I’ve... _ left _ you.” She finished more quietly. Tony’s hands tightened on his dress. Maria simply smiled down at her son. “Humans only live so long, bambino.”

Tony’s heart sank. Maria thought she died of natural causes, Tony could only wish. Tony could only mourn.

“I miss you.” Tony said softly. Tony slowly sat up, not wanting to let go. Maria looked at her son, all grown up. His eyes red and dark bags under them. His facial hair was due for a trimming or shave. She put a hand on his cheek and rubbed her thumb over his jaw.

“I knew you’d take after your father.” She said, completely satisfied that she was right. Tony couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out. Maria smiled. “Now, tell me everything you can.” 

Tony didn’t tell her everything in detail. Just the general information about the Avengers, who was who and what they did. Tony did get into specifics about Rhodey, Pepper, and Happy. How he meet Rhodey in college and have been best friends ever since, how Pepper is a God sent and is the reason SI hasn’t gone crashing down in flames while Tony does Avengers business.

“They let women help in higher powered positions?” Maria asked, a little surprised. Tony nodded.

“It’s a lot easier than in your time but she still gets a lot of bullshit, but  Pepper is a force of nature.” Tony said. Tony looked at his mom with a sheepish expression, his face heating up when he realized he cursed in front of his  _ mom _ . Maria only laughed.

“I’d love to meet her.” Was all Maria said.

Eventually Tony led her to the lab to meet Bruce so they could run some tests. On the way, Maria kept wandering off, taking in every little detail of the tower, of what she could see outside the windows. If felt like she couldn’t breath taking it all in at once. This was her city, but she did not belong here.

“There weren’t any trace elements but there’s a weird energy field surrounding you, what were you doing before you transported?” Bruce asked. 

“I was playing with Anthony in the backyard. It’s spring time, no storms of any kind. Even Howard was lounging by the pool.” Maria said. Bruce only hummed. Tony and Bruce looked at the screen and readings in front of them. Maria looked around, taking in the lab. It reminded her an awful lot of Howard’s and her heart ached. He and Tony must be worried about her. She ran a hand on one of the stainless steel tables, cold and sleek. As she wandered further in the lab the more her heart fluttered. This was her son, this was her legacy, this was the future. The technology around her, the holograms, the pieces of the suit here and there.

“ _ Incredibile _ .” Maria whispered to herself. As Tony and Bruce kept talking among themselve. Everything just screamed Tony, her baby. Her baby that was only a year old and yet she  _ knew _ . Coffee cups left out, snacks laying around, everything was a mess but Maria would bet Tony could find anything in it.She kept twisting and turning to see everything, trying to take it all in, trying to remember it all. It was all so bright and glittering, this was the  _ future _ . And it was  _ bright _ , and it was made by  _ her son _ . She heard a beeping behind her and she turned to see what looked like a crane with a hand on wheels, with a  _ Dunce  _ hat on it. Maria covered her mouth with a hand to laugh, feeling tears streaming down her face. She didn’t know she started crying. “ _ Ha Anthony si inventa? _ ” She whispered to it in her native language.

The little bot let out a happy chirp and moved his hand with excitement. Maria let out a laugh that came out as a sob. This was all overwhelming. The future, it was so different she didn’t recognize it. But her child, Tony, built all of this. He had a hand in building everything sitting in the lab and that was  _ exceptional,  _ Maria was unbelievably  _ proud _ .

“Mom?” Tony said worryingly. Maria shook her head and waved him off. “Mom, what’s wrong?” Tony asked with concern, Bruce looked worried too. Tony wrapped an arm around her, she only took in a breath to compose herself.

“Anthony, _my_ _bambino_ , made all this.” She said, gesturing to the whole room. “This is the future, _your future_ and it’s _incredible_ , Tony.” She said, looking at Tony with wet eyes but there was an unmistakable shine in them. 

“It’s just, it’s mostly scraps and-”

“ _ Anthony Edward Stark, do not diminish your accomplishments. _ ” She said sternly. Maria took his hands in her own and squeezed. She sniffled her nose and wiped the corner of her eyes to get rid of her tears. “I’ve only seen the  _ surface  _ of your works, and they’re  _ beautiful _ . And you become a  _ hero _ , Tony, literally saving lives. All of this is a representation of  _ who you are _ . I’m so proud.” Maria whispered her voice swelling up with emotion. Tony’s own eyes swelled with tears but he smiled at her.

“Thank you.” Was all Tony managed to say without his voice cracking. Maria patted his cheek and hugged him. Tony hugged back and held tight. In that moment Tony remembered what it was like to be loved for who he was, and not for what he could do. He didn’t want to let go.

***

Bucky ran as fast as he could out of that room and didn’t stop running. All he could think about how young she was, how full of life and how he was the one who was going to kill her. Kill that light. Tony brightened in a way Bucky had never seen, it was like he was a kid again. And Bucky took that away from him. He left Tony without his parents, without his mother at 20. Too soon, it was always going to be too soon. Bucky faintly heard Steve call after him but Bucky didn’t stop, he didn’t want to hear it. 

_ Bucky it wasn’t your fault. It was HYDRA. You didn’t have a choice. _

Bucky knew Steve was right, but Bucky was the only who physically did it and Bucky had to deal with that. He couldn’t write it off as easily as Steve. Bucky has nightmares about Maria, Howard,  _ all of them. _ He was reminded of  Maria’s eyes filled with fear every time he looked at Tony. Bucky eventually stopped running, he didn’t know where he was exactly. He just knew he couldn’t hear Steve and he couldn’t see Maria. The room had couch and that’s all he needed, he just needed to sleep and maybe, just maybe when he woke up; this all would have been a nightmare.

***

Steve gave up trying to find Bucky, he knew if Bucky didn’t want to be found, Steve wouldn’t find him. Steve wanted to punch something, this was all so messed up. 

Steve slowly walked back to the common floor, and he wasn’t surprised to find no one there. It was lunch by now and the rest of the Avengers probably wanted to give Maria and Tony space. Which is why he was surprised to see Maria in the kitchen. She had changed, in some well fitting jeans and a pink sweater and matting pink flats. Her hair was up in complex curls that reminded him of Peggy. Maria was humming as she cut vegetables on a cutting board but stopped when she looked up and saw Steve.

They made eye contact but didn’t say anything to each other. It was a solid 40 seconds before Maria smiled at him.

“Captain Rogers. It’s an honor to meet you.” Maria said and put the knife down, she wiped her hands on her jeans and held her hand out. Steve took her hand, it was small and delicate. Maria was beautiful and her whole aura was calm. Guilt settled in Steve’s stomach, this was all too real.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you too, Ma’am. Tony has told me nothing but good things.” Steve said, Maria smiled and shrugged.

“I can only hope.” She said, going back to chopping. There were a couple minutes of silence. “It’s a lot to take in.” She said, not looking at Steve. “The future. It’s so different from our time.”

Steve froze. This was becoming  _ way  _ too real. Steve had never known Maria, she was only but a single picture in a stack of personnel files. It was so easy for Steve to  _ brush off _ Maria, because it  _ wasn’t personal _ . But she was standing in front of him, chopping vegetables.  _ Cooking _ . It was a simple task but it made it so real. Maria was probably cooking a dish she liked, she had preferences, she was a person, she was  _ real _ , she was  _ loved _ , she was  _ murdered _ . She was  _ murdered  _ and Steve hid that from  _ her son _ . Maria deserved  _ justice  _ and Steve would have denied her that and Howard. 

“Yeah, it took a while to adjust.” Steve said, swallowing hard.

“I look around this building alone and feel so out of place. But also familiar.” She said pushing some carrots aside and grabbed another to cut. “I wonder what the estate looks like today.”

“Estate?” Steve asked.

“Our house in upstate New York. Anthony’s childhood home.” Maria said, sounds a little put off. “It’s still around, right?”

_ The home your son can’t bare going back to. He hates it. He loves it. He misses you. _

Steve pushed those thoughts down and smiled. “Of course.” Steve reassured her quickly. “We just haven’t been. We are a pretty busy group of people.” Steve said with a shrug. Maria only nodded, pushing the carrots aside and this time picked up tomatoes. 

“It’s so surreal, seeing you. Howard still searches for you. Once a year, every year.” Maria said softly. “I don’t think he’ll ever give up. And Peggy has moved on but she still hopes.”

“Peggy?” Steve asked, his heart breaking. Maria and Peggy were  _ friends _ .

Maria let out a soft laugh. “Yes. She’s living in the states at the moment. We appointed her as Tony’s godmother. Tony adores her, I’m almost a little jealous.” Maria said playfully. 

Peggy was Tony’s godmother. Tony would grow up around Tony, Peggy had known Tony his whole life. Tony knew Peggy better than Steve ever will. Why hadn’t Tony ever said anything? Steve had missed everything, everything he was  _ suppose  _ to live. If he hadn’t gone into the ice would Steve have been Tony’s godfather? Would he have lived near Howard? How different would things be? Could they have snuffed out HYDRA earlier? Would he and Maria be friends? Would have they celebrate holidays together? Would they have found Bucky earlier? Would they still be alive? Would Tony still have his parents? Would they see Tony grown into the man he became? Would Steve be happy in a way he couldn’t be happy today, a different kind of happy? The type of happy that wanted kids and a white picket fence?

“I could tell you my coordinates.” Steve said without thinking. The knife stopped. It seemed like time had stopped. Maria didn’t look up for a moment, her eyes still on the cutting board. Whatever Steve and Maria said in the next few seconds could change everything. They both knew that. Maria put down the knife and looked Steve right in the eyes. Steve would see where Tony got his fight, where he got  _ ‘can’t stop, won’t stop _ ’ attitude.

“Absolutely not.” She said. Steve knew she was right. But Steve always  _ wondered  _ and  _ Maria  _ c _ ould be his salvation. _

_ Maria you could still live. Maria you won’t have to die, Maria you’re going to die. I’m sorry, Maria, I’m sorry. I hurt your son using you, I am so sorry. _

“I’m sorry.” Steve said, jumping out of his seat. “I just, I know-”

“ _ Steve _ .” She said, holding up a hand to stop him. Steve was  _ tired _ , Steve didn’t belong here but he didn’t want to leave. But he wants to grow old with Peggy, he wants to see his friends again, he wants to  _ know _ . Maria walked over to him and she smelled like coconut and flowers. She was so young, she was  _ real _ , she had that same look in her eyes Steve had when he got out of the ice. Maria took his hand and squeezed. “I would love to bring you home when I go back. I would love to tell Howard the coordinates, I would love for Peggy to get her dance. When Tony told me who you were it was my first thought.”

Steve pushed down the tears that threatened to spill. “But you, and I, we are not allowed to be selfish. I cannot change time, who knows what the consequences will be. And I’m  _ so sorry _ it’s at  _ your  _ expense but we can not change time due to our selfish wishes.”

Steve squeezed her hand back. She was sorry; Maria Stark was a kind woman. “Not just at my expense.” Steve said, Maria looked confused. “When you go back, you’ll  _ know _ . And that won’t be easy.”

They understood each other. They both had the same wants and both knew why they couldn’t. Maria gave him a smile. 

“I suppose not.” She said. Steve knew there was a certain weight to her words. Every trip Howard took, Maria knew it was going to be fruitless. Every anniversary of Steve’s ‘death’ Peggy would grieve and Maria knew Peggy didn’t have to. Every time the Commandos talked fondly of Steve and poured one out for him Maria would  _ know _ . And she would say nothing.

“But nevertheless, you were loved Steve. You  _ are  _ loved. Every Fourth of July, Peggy and the Commandos come around and we set off fireworks for you. And Howard always tells Tony the adventures of Captain America before bed.” She said fondly.

“He did?” Steve asked, Maria nodded.

“The first thing Howard gave Tony was a Captain America teddy bear, and a Bucky Bear. Tony loves them so much, he’ll scream his head off if he doesn’t have them at bedtime.” Maria said, shaking her head with amusement.

Steve didn’t say anything, guilt settled on his shoulders. How disappointed must Tony be to know the real Captain America. When Tony was hugging his teddy, did he ever think Captain America would hide how his mother died from him? Did he think Captain America would beat him down with his shield? Steve stood abruptly, Maria blinked at him.

“I’m sorry ma'am, I have a meeting to get to.” Steve lied.He couldn’t be here, not now. He need to think, to breathe. Maria nodded her head slowly.

“Is it the one Anthony is attending?”

_ Tony’s  was in a meeting? _ Steve nodded, anything to get him out of here. “Yeah, sorry.” He said, not waiting for Maria to reply.

***

Bucky woke up when the sun was just starting to set, orange skies spilling into the room. His head was much better, it was fuzzy and overflowing with memories. Bucky stretched his arms above his head and yawned. He stood and walked toward the common room. The only thing on Bucky’s mind was food, he didn’t eat breakfast and being a super soldier takes more calories than you would think. Bucky was trying to repress his emotional breakdown Maria triggered. It wasn’t a healthy coping technique but Bucky could deal with that after she left. Bucky made his way to the usual kitchen and dining room but stopped when he heard singing. Bucky had never been more confused, nobody on the team sang. And if they didn’t, they never shared with anybody that they did. The voice was  _ breathtaking _ .

_ Ah ah ah ah _

_ Ciao amore _

_ La da da da da _

_ La da da da da _

_ Soft ice cream _

Bucky moved slowly toward the voice as they kept singing. This is what Bucky imagined angels sounded like. What sirens of the deep sounded like.

_ All the lights are sparkling for you it seems _

_ On the downtown scenes, shady blue _

_ Beatboxing and rapping in the summer rain _

_ Like a boss, he sang Jazz and Blues _

Bucky carefully peeked around the corner to see Maria was the one singing. She looked like she was preparing a meal, or finishing preparing a meal. She was currently setting plates down on the dining table. Her feet and hips swaying to an unheard beat, her eyes heavy lidded, as if she was somewhere else. Bucky looked around, there was no one else in the room, just Maria. The way Marai hummed and moved her hands, as if she was composing, it was like Bucky could hear what she was hearing.

_ Ah ah ah ah _

_ Ah ah ah ah _

_ Cacciatore _

_ La da da da da _

_ La da da da da _

Bucky watched as she set what looked like pasta on the table, and a salad, still singing. Bucky could feel guilt settle deep, deep in his chest. Her voice was beautiful, she was beautiful. She was soft, and clever. Bucky remembered her file all too well. Bucky could only imagine this is how Tony grew up. His mother singing, singing to him and singing for no reason other than she felt like it. Maria gracefully moved from kitchen to dining room, with such ease that Bucky was a little jealous. He couldn’t move room to room without feeling like someone was watching him.

_ The summer's hot _

_ And I've been waiting for you all this time _

_ I adore you, can't you see, you're meant for me? _

_ Summer's hot but I've been cold without you _

_ I was so wrong not to tell, I'm in regine, tangerine dreams _

This is what Bucky took from the world. From  _ Tony’s  _ world. Bucky’s muscled tightened, his eyes closed. The more she sang the more Bucky felt guilt settle in his bones. What would she think if she found out what Bucky did? What Steve did? What they all did to her  _ son _ . Bucky’s breath sped up until the singing stopped, Bucky’s eyes snapped opened to see Maria standing only a couple feet away.

“Are you okay?” Maria asked, concern in her eyes. Her eyes that looked exactly like Tony’s. She held her hand out, walking slowly toward him.

_ No, don’t help me. I killed you, you’re dead. I killed you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Absolve me. _

“Mom!” Maria looked behind Bucky to see Tony speeding his way toward her. Maria smiled at Tony. 

“You look like a grown up.” Maria said, fixing Tony’s silk tie when he got close enough. Tony let out a chuckle.

“I am a grown up, Mom.” Tony said fondly. Maria threw her head back and laughed. Maria patted Tony’s cheek softly.

“Never to me, bambino.” She said, pinching both his cheeks. “I’ve made dinner!” Tony’s eyes lit up. Maria turned to Bucky whose hands were in his pocket and head lowered down. “Would you like to join us?” Maria asked. Tony looked like he was about to protest but Maria threw him a look that said ‘If You Say One Word I Will Throw My Shoe At You”.

“I’m-” Bucky could feel sweat forming on the back of neck. “-I eat a lot.” Bucky said lamely. Maria shrugged.

“I made a lot.” She said. Bucky looked at Tony who shrugged. His shrug was pensive but he was still giving Bucky the choice.

“I’d like to.” Was all Bucky said, Maria smiled and turned on her heels.

“I made plenty, for your whole team. I wanted to make myself useful while I was here.” Maria said, leading them to the table. “What time will they be here? I’d hate for the pasta to get cold.” 

Tony loosened his tie, looking at Bucky who looked even more nervous than he was. Because how was he supposed to tell his mom tha _ t we don’t share meals, Mom, because Steve and his merry group of kids hate me. _

“We don’t really eat together.” Tony said, sliding into his seat. Maria raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m not-” Tony fumbled around with his words, he was never good at lying to his mom. “-I’m not on their official roster.” 

Bucky didn’t miss how Maria’s hand tightened around the wooden utensils she was using to toss the salad. Bucky sat across from Tony, it was awkward seeing as Maria set the table to for the whole team.

“So, they live in your tower?” Maria asked. To anyone who wasn’t Maria’s child or a dangerous assassin, the question was innocent enough but there was something in her voice that made Bucky shiver in fear.

“Yes.” Tony said.

“Do they pay rent? For their own food?” Maria asked, putting the salad next to Tony.

“No.”

Maria’s seat made a violent nose as she pulled it out, sitting next to her son and across from Bucky. Tony smiled behind the water he was sipping, he loved his mother. Maria took in a deep breath and slowly exhaled before grabbing the salab and putting some on her plate. Bucky awkwardly put food on his plate, knowing the tension that was slowly filling the air was partly his fault. 

“So, Bucky-” Maria started.

“James.” Bucky corrected. Tony raised an eyebrow. Most likely because Tony had only ever head Bucky being referred to as Bucky, not once hearing a protest against it. Maria simply nodded.

“James, I’m glad to see you and Steve reunited.” She said with such honesty. “I’m glad things turned out okay in the future. Before Tony was born, there wasn’t much going right.” She said softly, slowly cutting her pasta into bite sizes. “Peggy threw herself in her work, Howard would be gone for months searching for Steve.” Maria smiled at Tony and Bucky, a smile that looked far too much like Tony’s for Bucky’s comfort. “I’m glad these woes end eventually.”

“Yeah, it’s one big bonfire of love every night.” Tony murmured, shoving food in his mouth and loosening his tie. Bucky managed a nod for Maria, but also kept his mouth full so he wouldn’t have to answer. “Mom, your cooking is absolutely fantastic.” Tony said, after taking his second garlic bread from the basket.

“Thank you, Tony. This was the first meal I ever cooked for Howard.  _ Much  _ to his dismay, he hated Italian.”

“Howard hated Italian?” Bucky asked.

“Dad hated Italian?” Tony asked at the same time. Tony and Bucky made eye contact, both a little surprised at Bucky asking question. Bucky knew he and Howard weren’t the closest but Bucky remembered in Howard’s file that he was a big Italian lover. HYDRA was rarely wrong, even with such trivial details. 

Maria let out a small laugh. “Yes, Howard was not the biggest fan of Italian in the beginning but as our relationship furthered he really fell in love with it. Well, he only eats Italian if  _ I _ make it.” 

“That explains a lot, actually.” Tony said with a small smile.

Bucky smiled along with them. Shoving his guilt in the back of his mind to deal with later. As dinner went on Rhodey and Pepper joined them. Maria was positively starstruck with Pepper and Rhodey. Asking Pepper how she handles the company and if it was hard to get her position and stay there. Tony explained that he gave Pepper the CEO title because she  _ cared _ . She cared about the employees and their customers and was smart and strong willed enough to earn and keep her respect. He also left out he honestly thought he was going to die.

Maria would not leave Rhodey alone, asking him about his family and thanked him for looking after Tony in college where she couldn’t. They all ended up in the seating area, asking Maria all kinds of questions. Mainly about Baby Tony.

“He’s only a year and half old right now but he’s such a curious little bug.” Maria said, grasping her mug of coffee with both hands. “And if I play any music without him in the room, he’ll start to cry.”

“That is a lie!” Tony laughed. 

“It is 100% true!” Maria laughed into her coffee mug. “We had to buy another pram just for the music room.”

They all laughed again but it died down when Steve walked in with Wanda and Natasha. Maria didn’t miss how Tony tensed immediately. Just like Howard would when doing business with someone he did not like. 

“Bucky, you missed dinner.” Steve said walking closer to the group but kept a good distance.

“Sorry, Steve I-” Bucky started but Maria loudly cleared her throat.

“That would be my fault, Captain. I made dinner for the team. I was unaware you all ate separately and Bucky was kind enough to eat with us so it wouldn’t go to waste.” She said cooley, looking at them over the rim of her mug.

“Why weren’t we told?” Wanda asked, not offended or angry but the question made Tony’s hair raise on the back of his neck. Maria shrugged.

“I thought you normally didn’t eat with Tony. Was I mistaken?” Maria asked, full well knowing she wasn’t. Wanda shook her head. “I saw no reason to disrupt your meal.” 

Maria stood and set her mug down. “Thank you all for dinner, thank you for entertaining an old woman.” She said to Rhodey, Pepper, Bucky and Tony. Tony stood with her and kissed her cheek.

“Thank you for letting us!” Pepper said, smiling at her. “Your insides on Baby Tony are invaluable to us, trust me.” Pepper said teased, Rhodey chuckling and nodding in agreement.

“You’re pie with ice cream was one of the best things I’ve had in a long time, thank you.” Bucky said quietly walking up to Steve who gave him a look. Bucky shrugged as they walked out of the room and around the corner.

“Are you okay, Bucky?” Steve asked, surprised Bucky was even looking at Maria after this morning. Bucky shrugged again.

“She’s a lot like her son. Too nice to me.” Was all Bucky said before leaving to his room, leaving the other three quiet.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to put this first chapter up and see what the feedback is. I don't know if I want to make it a slash fic, but if I did it'll probably be between Bucky and Tony. Would you guys be interested in that?? Or even this fic at all?? Let me know! Anyway, I always had it in my head that Maria Stark was Lana Del Rey. The aesthetic, the music vibes, her look. Honeymoon is one big Maria/Howard tribute if you ask me. 
> 
> Anyway, I'll write the title of the songs that influenced the chapters and if they're lyrics I'll post the songs in the order they appear in the fic (if there is more than one). Most often than not the title will be the song that was the most heavily involved. And if I reuse a song the title will probably be a lyric from said song.
> 
> This fic doesn't really have a direction (i have some ideas but idk man), I just kind of wrote it to music. If you have any suggestions please free to leave them in the comments! This fic probably won't be updated periodically or frequently, it'll be like my pet project that I'll work on when I'm stoned tbh
> 
> Terrence Loves You - Lana Del Rey (Honeymoon)
> 
> As for my other fic works (the Trainer!AU series) I'm struggling on writing a threesome. I just don't know if I'm writing it correctly, '*' it makes me so nervous but I'll get put up eventually.


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